Stress resilience
Coping styles: examples from real life
Three recognizable situations, fourteen ways people respond to them — each labeled with the coping strategy the Brief COPE measures. No single reaction is inherently wrong: context determines whether a strategy works.
In short
Coping styles become concrete in behavior: the same stressor prompts one person to make a list of steps, another to talk to a friend, and a third to spend an evening not thinking about the problem. This page shows three recognizable situations — a deadline at work, a conflict in a relationship, a health setback — each with four or five reactions you can map onto the 14 strategies of the Brief COPE. None of those strategies is inherently good or bad; which one works depends on the situation.
What coping is
Coping is what you do — mentally or behaviorally, consciously or unconsciously — as soon as a situation causes you stress. A coping strategy is one technique within that: planning, seeking distraction, asking for support. Your coping style is something else: the recurring pattern of strategies you typically use, across many situations and years.
The examples below show single strategies in action, not a full style. Do you recognize yourself in several reactions to the same situation? Then a pattern is already starting to show — exactly what a coping style test maps.
Three situations, fourteen reactions
Each reaction below is labeled with the Brief COPE strategy it illustrates. Together, the three situations cover all 14 strategies, each exactly once.
A deadline at work
The deadline is approaching and it is going to be tight. Five ways people respond:
You block out the rest of the day in your calendar and finish the task in one go.
Active Coping
You turn the deadline into a list of concrete sub-steps, with times attached.
Planning
You ask a colleague whether they can take over part of the work.
Instrumental Support
You open your phone anyway and scroll the news for ten minutes.
Self-Distraction
You tell yourself the deadline will probably be pushed back, without having checked that.
Denial
A conflict in a relationship
A disagreement with your partner has turned into a real argument. Five ways people deal with it:
You realize the argument also shows how much you both care about the relationship.
Positive Reframing
You accept that your partner simply sees it differently than you do.
Acceptance
You call a friend to get it off your chest, without wanting an immediate solution.
Emotional Support
You say out loud that you feel angry and hurt, instead of swallowing it.
Venting
You think the conflict is mostly there because you fell short.
Self-Blame
A health setback
A disappointing result or a lingering complaint turns your life upside down for a while. Four ways people respond:
You make a joke about it with friends, to take the edge off the tension.
Humor
You look for comfort in prayer or meditation.
Religion/Spirituality
In the evening you have a few extra glasses of wine to think about the result less.
Substance Use
You stop following the treatment advice, because it does not seem to help anyway.
Behavioural Disengagement
Problem-focused, emotion-focused, avoidant
Researchers group the 14 Brief COPE strategies into three categories. Problem-focused coping tackles the situation itself: Active Coping, Planning, and Instrumental Support. Emotion-focused coping targets the feelings the situation brings up: Positive Reframing, Acceptance, Humor, Religion/Spirituality, Emotional Support, and Venting. Avoidant coping postpones the situation or the feelings about it: Self-Distraction, Denial, Substance Use, Behavioural Disengagement, and Self-Blame.
The Brief COPE measures all three categories in one questionnaire. None of the three is inherently the right one: someone who mainly responds to an uncontrollable situation with problem-focused strategies wears themselves out, while avoidance can offer temporary relief there instead.
Why no strategy is wrong
Denial and distraction are often labeled maladaptive, but context determines whether that is true. Not thinking about a result on the evening you received it can be exactly what you need to stay on your feet. The same goes for humor after a setback: it puts things in perspective without denying the situation.
A strategy only becomes a problem when it stays the only one. Someone who denies or distracts for months on end leaves the underlying problem untouched. It is the pattern that matters, not the occasional choice.
The 14 strategies in one overview
Active Coping
Taking direct, concrete steps to address the source of the stress.
Planning
Thinking ahead about which approach will best solve the problem.
Instrumental Support
Asking people around you for advice or practical help.
Positive Reframing
Looking at the situation so that something good can be found in it too.
Acceptance
Acknowledging that the situation is as it is, without denying it.
Humor
Making jokes about it to make the pressure more bearable.
Religion/Spirituality
Seeking comfort in religious or spiritual beliefs.
Emotional Support
Seeking comfort and understanding from others, not necessarily a solution.
Venting
Expressing anger, sadness, or frustration out loud or visibly.
Self-Distraction
Temporarily turning your attention elsewhere.
Denial
Refusing to believe the problem is really there.
Substance Use
Using alcohol or other substances to feel better.
Behavioural Disengagement
Giving up on trying to deal with the situation.
Self-Blame
Blaming yourself for what happened.
Measure your own pattern
The examples above are single snapshots. Want to know which mix of strategies you typically use yourself? The Innerscape Coping Test measures that with the Brief COPE: 28 statements, about 4 minutes, free and with no account.
Sources
Carver, C. S. (1997). You want to measure coping but your protocol’s too long: Consider the Brief COPE. International Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 4(1), 92–100.
Carver, C. S., Scheier, M. F., & Weintraub, J. K. (1989). Assessing coping strategies: A theoretically based approach. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 56(2), 267–283.
Lazarus, R. S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, Appraisal, and Coping. New York: Springer.
Written by Remco Volmer, founder of Innerscape.
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Frequently asked questions
What is the difference between a coping style and a coping strategy?+
A coping strategy is a single technique you use in a specific situation, such as planning or seeking distraction. Your coping style is the recurring pattern of strategies you typically choose, across many situations. The examples on this page show single strategies in action; you measure your coping style with the Brief COPE.
Which coping style is the best?+
None of them. Problem-focused strategies often work well for situations you can influence yourself, emotion-focused strategies help with what you cannot change, and even avoidant strategies are sometimes briefly functional. Effective coping depends on the situation, not on one fixed style that wins everywhere.
What are examples of avoidant coping?+
Self-distraction (turning your attention elsewhere), denial (refusing to believe the problem is there), substance use (alcohol or other substances to feel better), and behavioural disengagement (giving up trying). They often offer short-term relief but keep the underlying problem in place if they remain the only strategy.
How do I discover my coping style?+
With a coping style test such as the Brief COPE: 28 statements that score 14 strategies and show which mix you typically use. Innerscape offers it free and with no account on the coping test.
Is every avoidant reaction automatically a problem?+
No. Not thinking about something for a bit, or seeking distraction for an evening, can be exactly what you need to catch your breath. It only becomes a problem when avoidance is the only strategy and the underlying problem never gets addressed.
What is the difference between problem-focused and emotion-focused coping?+
Problem-focused coping tackles the situation itself: making plans, asking for help, taking direct action. Emotion-focused coping targets the feelings the situation brings up: accepting, reframing, seeking support. Both can be adaptive — which one helps depends on whether the situation itself can be changed.
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